I am not sure but I am seriously considering redirecting this blog or termionating it entirely because it seems that I do not have the time anymore to scour the internet, verify the information I do obtain, then try to make it a blog friendly format.  I just don't have the access time to do all the research necessary to keep this blog on it's noble track.  So I have a few choices... some of which include posting new stuff when I do get it and be irregular about my posts, changing the direction of the blog and make the core of the blog about my personal needs and struggles, or some combination of the two.  Or maybe neither.  Right now I am unsure of my ability to do anything because of the instability of the current situation.  Too many directions to go.  Too many choices and none of them all too good.  We are all considering a total relocation to either the other end of the state, or to a neighboring state.  The future is uncertain, and there are very few people who thrive in the current environment of stress, and chaos.

I realize that some of my most recent posts may seem a divergence from the goal and target of my blog.  But, then one cannot legitimately discuss the capability of living comfortably below the poverty line without addressing some of the unique, and not so unique stresses, and other aspects of life below the $19,900 level that used to be considered the poverty line.  Funny thing is that I heard that the povery line was increased in the last year to approximately 25k.  So even though I do want to find strategys to survive as working (or as is the truth with my Wife and I... disabled) poor. I know that not to discuss the family stress involved would be a mistake.  I do try to use the bible as a guide to keep my conscience focused.  I also know that I am often falling short of the guidance provided by Christ and his apostles.  So I seek your indulgence when I post things about my family and the stress we are experiencing.

Thankful for all Christ gives me in abundance,
Michael Conway the Wondering Wanderer
wonderingwanderr@gmail.com

Generally my wife and I are exceptionally frugal, but we recently transacted business with Hughesnet.  For the most part I can't really complain.  Heck it is fulltime Internet access, and I have yet to exceed my 10gig download access, but in a matter of three to four hours my wife was able to burn through 20% of the months allotment.  Now I am not that upset mind you, but I have yet to come to the knowledge of what the fair access speed is.  I know even will full unlimited access there are "packets" of information that seriously lag, so I am wondering what fair access in our area is.  How much lag I am going to notice.  We will see and we will come to an understanding, and adapt.

Peace Out to all who read this, and even those who don't.

Well one of the signs of the "end times" according to the Bible is the "Lack of Natural Affection" and with this most recent school shooting we are definately seeing that.  This one persons rage was not turned against a random crowd, or some people who had alienated him recently or even in the past.  Nope he poured out his rage against Kindergarten/First Graders, and their teachers.  These children had probably not known the sweetly venomous sting of unkind words towards one another.  They embody what could to one degree or another still be called 'school age innocence' and alas someone had to go gunning them down.  As if struggle and adversity don't come early enough in life lets emotionally scar you by seven.  And, by some reports this individual may have killed their own mother first.  I sometimes wonder when Jehovah will have had enough and just call the game.

I have learned a new respect for cross-posting when it comes to my friends on facebook.  Mainly it comes from a peak that more than doubled my page views on my blog withing a two day time period.  I was impressed at the power of social media even with the meager number of friends I have on my page.  I actually know personally all the people who are on my facebook page.  I know this post is particularly off topic but I thought that I needed to acknowledge that my friends heeded my call to come and at least observe.  That is something that I am thankful for today, and sometimes having something to be thankful for is more important than riches, or overt comfort.

I do have to admit that sometimes living below the poverty line has its unique stressors.  I know most families stress over money, but in the personal case to me, my wife and I  both live on disability (she has had neck and back surgery, and has nerve conduction issues, and I have had two open heart surgeries, several strokes and not quite a small bag of MH issues) so our income on disability is VERY limited.  In fact we have a little less than $1000 a month to live on, and honestly some months our bills exceed our meeger income.  Luckilly our bank only charges a singular overdraft fee, not a fee every day you are overdrawn so when we have to overdraft it is only one fee, and not a pile of accumulating fees. 

But, money is definately a stressor in our lives, and we have from time to time fought over money.  The trick is learning to get past it.  We (my wife and I) have two aduly children in the house.  Our daughter is good with money and figures.  She is also oddly enough is free of the compulsion to buy on impulse.  So now our daughter is in charge of the finances, and she is doing well with them.  It has aleviated some of the stressors involved, and since she is not quichk to spend everyone elses money we don't have a money pit. 

Some of the things that help though is that we do live in an economically depressed region so rents are cheep relative to other areas in the United States.  We are primarially a Christian Household, though our oldest son has rejected all organized religion, the rest of us are Jehovah's Witnesses so sometimes we have a unity that is because of our unified faith. 

Sometimes peace returns to our lives because of our unified faith, but in a human way sometimes the stress overwhelms it.  That is where we really have to apply the lessons of 1st Timothy 6:8 about being satisfied with satisfied with sustainance and covering.  Sometimes it is just fine to want and strive for more, but if you cannot be satisfied with what you have then you can never find something that sates the beast...  it just consumes, and consumes leaving no contentment.  In the end we are all left with the decisions to pursue goals or not but if we are not satisfied with where you are then you end up caught a "just a little more" mentality never complete, never whole.  So this means to me that it is good to see how something has value, or benefit to you, but it is not necessary to own EVERY gadget, gizmo, widget, and doohicky that you will never use.  My wife and I own a blender, and a magic bullet, and we liberally use both the blender for bigger jobs, and the magic bullet for individual sized jobs.  But I admit that we did not buy the magic bullet it was given to us by someone who rarely used it (hadn't in years) and they gave it to us.  Funny but in a similar way it can sit for 4 to 6 months and never be used, and get used 10 to 12 times a week for 3 or 4 months and then it goes back on the shelf till the next spurt of time when is get used as if it was never put up.  It could be as long as a month, or even six befor it gets used again.  The point is I would still use just the blender if I didn't have the gadget it is a convience yes, but I could still be living happily without it.  I have achieved some measure of contentment.  That is a place you need to find before you consider the desire of the moment.

Well I guess that is all for now.

For those few of my followers who don't want to know what is really going on in my head/heart I would ignore this post...

<<RANT ON>>  I NEED for "my" adult children to be participants in this household.  I don't want them to leave or anything but they are old enough to be housemates instead of people who just store their stuff here.  I mean that as long as "my" (step) son has money to party and pay his other bills it is not going to matter one way or the other to him but he has hijacked the heater that belongs in the livingroom.  He left a load of laundry to go rancid in the washer.  Now he is 20 and I understand some foibles, but he bought a dog as an investment (yes he started breeding full blooded boxers), but he dosent carefully tend his investment.  My day usually starts at or arround 6am.  And when the animals wake up they are fed/watered/cared for including being walked.  I clean the dishes, and make tea (sweettea for y'all southern folks), and coffee.  When my wife wakes up and requests food, I am usually more than happy to make it.  I vaccuum the carpets in the livingroom, and sweep/mop the kitchen every couple of days but I am usually tending to the various animals (2 dogs and a cat) and by 4pm I expect the "children" to pick up the slack.  The youngest adult child in the house is 18 but she is going to High School, and I understand but she is home by 3 and I understand needing time to breathe.  "My" son goes off to work at three I believe that the last thing he should do before he goes to work is WALK HIS INVESTMENT (I mean dog).  I understand occassionally running late, but then he should be sure that arrangements are made to takecare of his investment.  Even if it was a text ...please walk Sparky... at least then I would feel respected.  It is nice to be asked insted to expected to "tend his garden for him"  I understand that I am retired/disabled but that doesn't mean to I am not worth something, and that the services I provide are at least a value to the household.  I understand that my wife is in a LOT of pain, but that is not to degrade to pain I feel 16+ times struck by a car as a child/young adult... two open heart surgeries... three strokes, and I am still existing.  I've been stabbed, I've been shot.  I am tired all the time I have recently been diagnosed with Narcolepsy so I fall asleep at the drop of a hat.  Anywho the point is the adult children of this household are well and sure enough capable of taking care of the neeeds of this house equally as partners working toard a goal of peace and harmony across the house.  Working TOGETHER. Well I guess I am burned out so I am off.  <<RANT OFF>>